The Waiting Game

Waiting is hard. No matter what it is one might be waiting for, it is hard. We are waiting on a referral for a little girl from Ethiopia. It is one of the first thoughts in my head each morning, right after I question how it can be morning already. Mark and I have always wanted to adopt. We began seriously looking into adoption even before we knew we were pregnant with Jack. Once we found out we were pregnant and it looked like it would be a viable pregnancy we solidified our plans to adopt shortly after he was born. It has been over a year that we have been praying for both our kids: Sammie and Simba.

Sammie
We decided early into the pregnancy that we needed a name for both our biological child and our adopted child. Because of the previous miscarriages early on in my pregnancy I was considered "high-risk" and I began going in to the Dr. at 4 weeks. We had lots of early ultrasounds where the baby looked like a blob. Our loving parents kindly encouraged us to not refer to our baby as "the kid" or "the blob" and we picked a gender neutral name to use - "Sammie." We didn't find out the gender until Jack joined us on May 5.

Simba
To avoid using phrases like "the kid we will someday adopt," we decided to pick another name to refer to our adopted child. Calling the baby inside me "Sammie" was really convenient and we wanted a name for this one too. I decided to call it "Simba." I really have no idea where this name came from, the only thing I can think of is I think of the Disney Movie, the Lion King - Africa - baby lion, named Simba. In Swahili, the name means "lion," which in my mind implies "Strength."

(2 days before Jack arrived, pointing to Jack in my belly and my Africa necklace that reminds me of Simba)

I love that we have prayed for "Sammie"-turned-Jack and Simba before they were even born. I thank God for Jack and the precious gift that he is to Mark and I, and our family. I trust that God is watching over Simba and taking care of her needs. But it is hard. I worry. And I want her here with us, whoever she is. I am anxious to find out her name, any known history, what she looks like, etc.

Things that have been comforting to me while waiting: Keeping in touch with others who are on the same journey as me (blogs, chat groups, etc.); Meeting other couples through Adoption Parent Training Classes; friends who ask questions and encourage me; talking about how I am "feeling" (Mark loves this one-I am a woman and love to talk about how I feel); eating lots of candy (I am surprised the grocery store still has jelly beans, I thought I had bought them out) praying; and remembering that God is watching over her.

Even though I feel anxious, excited, and worried I take comfort knowing that God is in control and has a perfect plan for the Hubbard family and our daughter. He has chosen her specifically for us and vice versa. The patience thing is hard but I trust God and his timing.
So for now, we wait.